Getting Out of a Downward Spiral

Have you ever been caught in a downward spiral? One of those spirals you have no idea where it came from, what it is or better yet how the heck your going to get yourself out of it! A spiral can be any combination of drama in your life, love, work, family, etc., I recently found myself caught in one of those sexy spirals and it was so crazy because it was filled with so many levels of "stuff."
I found myself getting in one of those sad girl desperado modes - nothing made sense and nothing was working out "the way it was supposed to." All I wanted to do was crawl home to my mommy's house (with Madison in tow), get in my full-size bed and call it a day. My thoughts drifted back to times of old when life was easy and simple. The days when all I had to worry about what was - NOTHING!
As I found myself playing "I'm Goin Down" by Mary J. Blige and really getting into it - I instantly caught myself and turned my ipod off. What was I doing - helping myself into a downward spiral? I couldn't believe I was allowing "stuff" to get to me - "stuff" which in the big scheme of life isn't really that bad.
So how did I get out of my downward spiral - I turned my attention to Madison and decided we needed to get out of the house and take a walk. A walk in the fresh air and only allow myself to focus on positive thoughts. So we did - I thought positive thoughts and talked to Madison about all of the blessings we have in our life. While I was walking I received an inspirational email and talk about perfect timing...

"Get Rid of It"

from Jewel Diamond Taylor www.donotgiveup.net

"If you never emptied the trash in your home, there would
soon be a fowl smell. It's the same with your mind. If you don't release
old thoughts, your life becomes bitter with stinkin' thinkin' and emotional clutter.
Empty your mental trash can of any stressful or painful thoughts.
Don't allow the irritations and challenges of this day or your past to steal your joy.
Your success will come as you grow in courage, faith, discipline,
a sense of humor and a sense of purpose and strength.
Don't sweat the small stuff. I agree with Oprah's statement...
“Doing the best you can at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.”
Don't spend too much time with people who drain your energy.
Whenever you are ready ...you have the choice and power within to let go and grow in peace. Count your blessings. Change your point view. Each moment is a gift to you.

Listen and enjoy the song "Count It All Joy" by BeBe and CeCe Winans.
Focus on your priority for this day.

Do the best you can right now where are and with what you have.

It's only a matter of time before your change comes.
Start giving thanks right now for the wonderful breakthrough about to happen in your life.
That's right ...smile...sit up straight...shake off the heavy stress, speak

and walk with courage, faith, peace, love and joy.
Until further notice...God is in control."

Love Yourself & Love Life

Girl, just look at you, with your pretty self. You are so beautiful! Not only are you beautiful, but you have the nerve to be talented and gifted by God. Hold your head up Girl and know that you are loved and appreciated. Don't give the enemy any place to cause you to have low self-esteem or doubt. You are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made. This is your year to decree it and speak to it!

This is the year of new beginnings. So get your step on Girl, because God is faithful to perform all that He has promised to you! Be confident in Him and His word. The words you speak from your mouth determine your outcome. Why not speak good and positive things over your life Girl?

You are not defeated but rather you are more than a conqueror. You have been through a lot in your life and look at you now, just as pretty and as strong as ever! Oh, how blessed you are. Look what God has done and look where He has brought you from.

Begin to bless God and praise Him for all that He has done, and for making you so beautiful! He had you in His precious hands all this time. Your life is orchestrated by Him. He knows you and what is best for you. Believe that He has even greater things in store for you and your family.

Girl, get over the silly stuff and grab hold of faith. Seek God as never before. Sure, times are hard, but God if Good! Learn to love who He has made you to be. There is no one like YOU.

-Author Unknown

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Nat'l Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

As I was going about my Saturday I became engrossed in listening to a local radio station regarding a conversation about the HIV/AIDS “epidemic” in the black community. What 1st caught my attention was this statement, “Among women living with AIDS 64% are African American.” I immediately turned up the volume because I knew I had misunderstood what I heard. How could this statement be true? How could black women be the leading number of HIV/AIDS cases in the entire United States? This statement was hard for me to comprehend until I heard this, “HIV is no longer a gay disease, but a Black disease.” Where were they getting this information from? And was it true? As I continued to listen to the interview I learned Saturday, February 7, 2009 was National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day "Black Life is Worth Saving!". I remembered during my social work program hearing talk about increasing numbers of HIV/AIDS cases in the black community, but today I felt like I was so out of touch with the severity of the situation. African Americans account for nearly ½ of the AIDS cases in America (49%). The reality is similar for children: HIV/AIDS affects African American children the most. In 2005, 104 of the 166 children (63%) diagnosed with HIV/AIDS were African American. As statistic after statistic was read the information became more disheartening and I became afraid for myself, Madison, my friends and family. At the close of the segment they encouraged listeners to do their part and make a difference! I thought what could I do? So hear goes...

#1 - Since I was a hot thang back in the day...I started requesting an HIV/AIDS test during my yearly pap smear.

#2 - Encourage my friends to get tested NOW! Let’s all become part of the “Test 1 Million” movement and be counted as 1 million African Americans tested for HIV by June 27, 2010. Find a local testing site at http://www.blackaids.org/and enter your zip code. “Knowing your HIV status can save your life, and every one of us has a responsibility to ourselves and our communities to know our status and to talk with our family members and loved ones about their status. AIDS in America today is a Black disease. Nobody wants to talk about that, and nobody wants to own that. That silence is killing us.” -Black AIDS Institute Executive Director & Founder Phill Wilson

#3 - During our juicy conversations I will now be the official “HI HATER!” on having unprotected sex with anyone before you see their current HIV/AIDS test results.

#4 - Pray that my closest peeps continue to be smart and safe during their “Sexy Can I” moments and don’t let any man talk you into doing something you already know “…you’d get talked about for…” ;-)

So let's all do our part and care enough to share with others!

Morning Walks with Madi

Every morning I begrudgingly drag myself out of bed, awake Madison out of her deep sleep and head to a local park for our morning walk. During our walk I do my best to introduce her to new things: squirrels, trees, tennis courts, birds, grass, runners (of course not her mommy) and all the other good stuff at parks. Once Madison falls asleep on me - I'm left to my thoughts. Thoughts of why, what, how and when? Why life is the way it is? What my purpose is? How am I going to do this mommy thing? And when is all my hard work going to pay off? Questions I ask myself not only during my morning walks, but throughout the day. These questions have become a constant in my everyday world. These are thoughts and questions you can't get out of your head no matter how hard you try or how many ways you attempt to divert your attention.

As these questions pop in & out of my head I reflect on a book I'm re-reading by Jack Canfield (author of Chicken Soup for the Soul books) "The Success Principles - How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be." I say re-read because this is the 4th time I've picked up this book to assist me on my life's journey. During my morning walks I remember the things I've read the previous night and make my best attempt to apply it to all those questions I have floating in my head. My readings recently focused on life's PURPOSE (I'd like to share a few excerpts from my readings)...Without a purpose in life, it’s easy to get sidetracked on your life’s journey. It’s easy to wander and drift, accomplishing little. To be “on purpose” means you’re doing what you love to do, doing what you’re good at and accomplishing what’s important to you. Without purpose as your compass, your goals and plans may not fulfill you. You don’t want to get to the top of the ladder only to find out you had it leaning up against the wrong wall. Like most of our cars have a navigation system - we're born with an Inner GPS (global positioning system). For our Inner GPS system to work, it simply needs to know where you are and where you want to go. When you know what you want and stay focused; your Inner GPS will continue to unfold the turns to reach your destination.
“Decide upon your major definite purpose in life and then organize all your activities around it.” -Brian Tracy (One of America's leading authorities on the development of human potential & personal effectiveness)

Our Superbowl I...Wifey vs. JumpOff

In honor of this weekend’s Super Bowl I thought we’d have our own game - Wifey vs. JumpOff…
Growing up every girl has dreams of being “Wifey” and quickly looks down on the mere thought of being a “JumpOff.” Have you ever sat down and thought about what’s right for you - the life of a “Wifey” or that of a “JumpOff”? Living in a world of quick, fast and in a hurry – how do you steer clear from being labeled a “JumpOff”? Better yet - does living your life as a potential “Wifey” pay off in the end?
During my journey there were times and moments I could have easily chosen the “JumpOff” route. Of course everyone wants to be loved or be the center of attention, but at what price? There were times I could have went home with a dude who bought me drinks, grooved with me at the club, or showed some interest in me, but again at what cost? According to the Urban Dictionary the definition of a “JumpOff” is a female who is available anytime, anyplace and for anytype of sexual encounter. I’m sure we all know a jump-off, may have one in the crew or ourselves have dabbled in the world of jump-off-ness. Whatever your case maybe – it’s about that time to ix-nay the jump-off-ness in our lives! In order to stay clear of jump-off-ness it’s important to know what you want in life and how to get what you want in life without losing yourself in the process. Any female can sleep their way into someone’s life, but how are you honestly treated after the fact? Do you spend holidays with their families? Are you the one he spends his late nights talking you to sleep? Even worse are you the one he calls after he puts his potential “wifey” to sleep? Of course no one wants to admit teasing the world of a “JumpOff” but I had to sit down and really think about times I was on the brink of jump-off-ness and remind myself to stay far away from that world!
“Wifey” a woman you treat right, respect and feel good having her as your girl. A girl you care a lot about, a real lady and sexy in every way possible. My personal new definition of “wifey” is the “…if you like it then you shoulda’ put a ring on it…” girl in your life. And of course the ultimate post “wifey” is the one with the rock on her finger! For the most part I’ve always considered myself “Wifey” material. In the majority of my relationships – I’m always working an angle to be a post “Wifey.” Maybe why I’ve ran so many boys away HA HA! I was so frustrated with boys; there was even a point in my life where I thought marriage was unnecessary. I figured everyone cheats and why go through all that trouble just to flash on a negro cause he's acting stupid? Having Madison gave me a new outlook on the whole marriage thingy. I don’t think I’ll beat it in her brain or stress it too much, but I do want her to have healthy dating experiences and have the whole fairy tale romance when it’s her time. So in order to be a “wifey” I think it becomes imperative to steer clear of any “JumpOff” tendencies. Of course it can be exciting to gallivant around the world with random dudes, but you gotta ask yourself – what am I truly paying for this moment? I can’t say for sure, but my hypothesis would be the only thing your doing is making a name for yourself and a not-so-nice one at that for example: the cali- jumpoff, the down ass jumpoff or worse the down for whatever jumpoff. Is being associated as a “JumpOff” really worth the pipe, the 5-minutes of fame or the rush you get kicking it with these dudes? Is it worth losing yourself and waking up one day exposed to a sexually transmitted disease?
And of course our good ole’ Men do not make it any better – they say one thing and do the complete opposite! Men say they want to date a female with potential “Wifey” material and will only bring a potential “Wifey” home to meet their momma. Men talk bad about “JumpOffs,” disrespect them, treat them like a step-child and keep them at arm’s length when it comes to the important moments in their lives. So what is it? What do men really want? Is the “JumpOff” sex so good they can’t leave it alone? Do men hope their future “Wifey” will wait patiently while they poke every broad walking? How long is too long – when your waiting for a man to decide if your post “wifey” material? Of course no one has the answers to these questions so let the games continue…but what’s a girl to do?
So who’s your pick? “Wifey” vs. “JumpOff”????